The Calm
by Shallie-wa
Summary: Prequel to Lightning. After Cammie's father dies Rachel Morgan decides she doesn't want anything to do with the CIA anymore. Her actions following her resignition change everything. Major AU.


**A/N: I am in way over my head. I really shouldn't be posting the prequel this soon especially since I still have other stories to deal with. However, after a few certain people (you know who you are) began bugging me about it, I couldn't help but post it since I haven't updated anything in a month or so. This one's for you Kelsey! Thanks for helping out!**

**Up to the Sky** – **Age 4**

"_You hold your head up to the sky and say what kind of blue are you?"_

I had never been to church before. My family wasn't exactly religious. We weren't one of those families that attended masses every Sunday. We didn't say grace before every meal, and I'm most certain my mother never made me recite evening prayers. But I guess it was because we weren't a normal family. No matter how much I wanted us to be, we couldn't.

That was when I realized it was no ordinary Sunday. My mom had woken me up bright and early and had told me to get dressed. We were going to church.

She had picked out a little violet dress that was sitting on my rocking chair in the corner of my room. I slid into it and zipped it up myself. I remember being a very independent child. I never needed much help being feed, and I could bathe myself by the age of three. Mom told me it was in my blood. All the Morgan women were naturally independent. I hadn't known what she meant when she said it. I might have been an extremely bright child but I wasn't _that_ smart.

Our car pulled up the drive leading to our small parish and we took the small path leading to the large double doors. Many other families stopped and stared. They probably never thought they'd see the day the infamous Morgan family stepped into a religious building of any sort.

My mom quickly grabbed a pew in the very back and we had sat in silence for fifteen minutes before the sermon began.

"Mommy, are you ok?" I asked as we walked back to our dark blue Porsche which was an eyebrow raiser in our town. People were well off, but not that well off.

My mom opened the back door and motioned for me to get in. I hopped inside into my car-seat when mom reached over to adjust the straps.

"It's ok mommy, I can do it myself, remember?" She seemed to be in a trance, just staring into space before snapping back to reality.

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie, I'm just a little… tired." She certainly sounded tired. Most people won't have been able to pick up her weary eyes and slouched figure, but she was my mother. According to her this was another Morgan skill, picking up things not normally noticed.

The rest of the car ride was spent in complete silence. Mom didn't even make annoyed sounds at drivers who cut her off. I didn't say anything. What could I say?

We finally pulled into our driveway that led to a whitewashed house with neatly trimmed hedges and a small flower garden. I didn't even know why we had flowers in the first place. I was certain mom didn't like them and she had always paid Mrs. Gregger (our elderly next door neighbor) to water them.

"Come on kiddo." Mom said as she hoisted me out of the car seat. She gently placed me on the ground and took my hand as we walked back to the house.

"Cammie," Mom said as we sat on our living room couch. If I remember correctly, I inwardly sighed. Whenever my mom used her 'gentle' voice, she meant business. "We're going to be living with your grandparents for a while."

"Grandme and Grandpa?" I asked, confused.

"Yes, aren't you excited to get to be with them for a while?" She offered me a smile but I realized it was small and her eyes didn't twinkle with happiness. They were sad. It wasn't the type of sad that occurs when you lose your favorite toy. It was the type that left your heart dead and dry of love like water in a hot desert.

"And daddy, he'll be there with us too. Right?" I added. Mom massaged her forehead with her fingertips and sighed.

"Cameron," I instantly started paying attention. Mom never used my full name unless she had something absolutely serious to say. Her eyes started to tear up and I frowned in confusion. She gathered me in her arms and gave me a tight hug. "I'm so sorry honey… your father isn't coming with us."

"_Mrs. Morgan, we are sincerely sorry we could not be with you in person during your desperate time of need. Your fellow co-workers at The Central Intelligence Agency offer our best wishes to you and your family. We will be looking forward to seeing you soon." _

Her face was set in a frown as her knuckles turned white from gripping the phone. She slammed it back into the cradle causing the screen to crack. The glowing buttons flickered for a few moments before going out. She swore silently before gathering up the remains of the damaged phone.

It was nine thirty and Rachel was settling down in her favorite abnormally large green armchair. She wrapped the warm fleece blanket around her body and opened an extra-large bag of M&Ms. Her favorite comfort food.

The television clicked to life and she immediately pressed the four button twice. _Last time on __Sunsets in L.A.__… _The narrator's voice spoke as Rachel gathered all the pillows from the couches, creating a nest of soft and squishy pillows on the chair. She sat with her legs crossed and dumped all the chocolate candies in a bowl. The show started and Rachel sorted through all the colors, dumping the green and brown ones in the garbage bin. Sure they all tasted the same on the inside but that shade of green reminded her of snot.

_Jane… it's not you, it's me._ Jason, the main male character said as he gently stroked Jane's light blonde hair. Rachel was close to tears. Jason slowly backed away towards the door on the tv. _I guess this is goodbye._ Jane whispered as tears dripped from her red and puffy eyes.

_No… how could he leave her! _Rachel thought angrily. _She was willing to give him everything and he left her._

She took the remote and turned off the power. The depressing look on Jane's face vanished and Rachel calmed down. However, that didn't stop the tears from falling.

_How could you leave me? _

The past years of her life had been centered entirely around her family. It completely devastated her when she had received the news of her husband's death. Even Joe Solomon, one of her most trusted friends, couldn't sooth her cries for her loved one.

Rachel tried to convince herself he hadn't left on his own record, though her attempts were in vain. No matter what, she couldn't push the thought from her head, the thought that he was still alive. That somehow, he was still healthy and active. The possibility was there but Rachel did not want to get her hopes up, just to have them come crashing down when the CIA found real proof he was dead.

_The CIA… This entire situation is their fault!_ She thought furiously. _If they had never given him that mission he would still be alive!_

Rachel was overwhelmed by her emotions. What if he was still alive? Would he be here right now?

Yes. She was sure of it. He would have been there for her and Cammie. But he couldn't, not now, not ever again. That thought alone was enough to break her heart. There were so many things she wanted to say to him. She knew there was a chance he wouldn't return from a mission one day, but she had never expected that day to come.

"Thank you so much Mandy." Rachel said as she grabbed her car keys. "It was so kind of you to watch Cammie for me on such short notice." She gave Mandy Greggers a soft smile as she opened the front door.

"Oh don't you worry yourself darling. That's what neighbors are for. Besides it's only for a few days."

The old woman waved goodbye as Rachel's Porsche disappeared down the street. Her smile fell a bit as she locked the door for the night. _I hope you know what you're doing Rachel._

Rachel was usually a patient woman. She never saw much need in becoming angry over having to wait for something. That was… until now.

She fidgeted under the gaze of the slightly overweight secretary. She had glasses dangling around her neck on a pink silver chain. Her gray hair was swept up in a bun and she glared at Rachel. "I'm terribly sorry Miss, but no one sees Mr. Evans without an appointment." Rachel sighed in annoyance.

"Fine, when's the next open slot?" The secretary turned towards the computer on the desk and opened an old fashioned appointment book. Rachel's face paled as she saw all the dates were nearly full.

"There's an open time on Tuesday," Rachel sighed in relief, today was Monday, she could afford to wait another day. "Four months from now." The woman finished._ Four months!_ She was seriously expected to wait that long!

"Are you sure there isn't another time?" She sweetly asked. The woman frowned and her eyes narrowed.

"I am absolutely sure there are no open appointments; now please get out of this office before I call security."

Rachel's mouth dropped open. _Was this lady for real?!_ "You can't kick me out!" She said raising her voice. What did it take to get an inch of respect around here? Seriously, she was a successful veteran agent, something that most women did not easily accomplish. Rachel had never felt the need to use any of her field techniques on anyone before but this lady was definitely pushing her limits.

"Do you know who I am?" Rachel asked while attempting to calm herself. The old woman chuckled.

"No, and I honestly don't care." She took the office phone and dialed a series of numbers. "Hello Marcus, can you send a few of your men up here?" _Oh no she didn't!_

The doors opened and a few men sporting black suits entered the room. Two of them grabbed Rachel by the arms. "We're going to have to ask you to leave the premises Miss." One of the men behind her said. _Alright, this is getting ridicules._

"Hey! Wait a minute!" One of the guys said. He came over and inspected Rachel. His face paled as sudden realization dawned on him. "Whoa guys, let her go. Don't you know who she is?" He said. The men released her on command of their superior.

"What! You're just going to let her go? After all the trouble she has caused me!" The secretary shouted.

"Well of course. That's Rachel Morgan." The security officer raised an eyebrow at the woman's comment as if she had just asked why the sky was blue. The woman's eyes widened slightly.

"Ra-Rachel Morgan?" She stuttered, turning to Rachel.

She fixed her gaze on the secretary. "Why of course I am. Now won't you please let me see Mr. Evans? It's the least you could do after all the trouble _you've_ caused _me_." The woman's mouth dropped as she realized her mistake.

"Of course Ms. Morgan, go on in." She gestured to the door.

"Thank you." Rachel said as she made her exit. "And by the way, it's _Mrs. Morgan_ to you."

She opened the door and stepped into the office. The balding man behind the desk glanced up from his paperwork and smiled. "Ah, Rachel, it's so good to see you again. Please sit down; we have so much to catch up on." He said gesturing to a chair in front of him.

Rachel shook her head. "I'm really sorry Mr. Evans, I don't have much time to chat. I only came here to drop off this." She slipped a folder out of her purse and handed it to the man.

He stared at the folder in confusion. "I don't recall you being assigned a mission Rachel. I thought you were on temporary leave."

"Oh, it's not a mission report Mr. Evans." Rachel smiled at him. He opened the folder and his eyes widened.

"Rachel, you are aware these are-"

"Resignation papers, I know. I'm resigning." She said. The office was silent for a few moments.

"Rachel, I don't know why you would choose to resign now. You are still a young woman and you are very efficient at your job. Besides don't you have a child to support? How do you plan to do that now that …" He trailed off.

"Thank you for your concern Mr. Evans but I am well aware of my… situation. I already have a plan, there's no need to worry." Rachel started towards the door. She paused with her hand on the knob.

"Very well. I'll make sure your last check is sent to you. I assume you have already turned in your ID card?" Rachel nodded.

"It was nice working with you Mr. Evans."

Rachel left The CIA Headquarters that night very pleased with herself.


End file.
